Prep the veggies. Peel the cucumbers (fully or halfway) and remove the seedy center. Roughly chop them into quarters or eighths. Place them in a food processor and pulse to chop. You want them chopped but not pureed. Depending on the size of your food processor, you may want to work in many batches. (You can also dice the onion and jalapeno now, then cover them separately and set them aside so you don't need to take o ut your cutting board later.)
Soak cucumbers in salt and turmeric. Place the cucumbers in a large bowl and sprinkle with the salt and turmeric. Pour the water on top and stir. Allow the mixture to sit, covered, at room temperature for 1-2 hours.
Rinse and drain. Place chopped cucumbers in a cheesecloth lined bowl and rinse. Lift the cheesecloth and gently squeeze to drain. You can also leave this in the fridge overnight and continue in the morning.
Add the remaining ingredients and cook. Place the cucumbers, diced jalapeño, diced onion, vinegar, sugar, dill weed, and dill seed in a saucepan and simmer for 15-20 minutes, until the mixture has thickened slightly and has changed from green to yellow-green.
Process in waterbath canner. Ladle hot relish into hot jars, leaving 1/4 inch headspace. Twist lids fingertip tight and process in a water bath canner for 10 minutes. Cool until sealed and store in a dark place for up to 1 year.