You Can’t Have It All (And That’s a Good Thing.)

Inside: The truth no one wants to tell you about working and raising a family, and the permission slip you’ve been waiting for.

College degree ✓
Dream job ✓
Engagement ring ✓
Wedding ✓
Baby ✓
Maternity leave (maybe even a LONG one if you’re lucky) ✓
Back to work ✓

Because, great news, you can have a wonderful career and be a great mom. All you have to do is spend 2 hours a day packing and unpacking daycare bags, miss meetings or school activities (you choose!), and spend your weekends pre-cooking chicken and making overnight oats. You’re so lucky.

The Reality

There’s a scene in 30 Rock where Jack tells Liz the hard truth: “You can’t have it all. You HAVE to choose.”

And he’s right. You know why? Because they both require EVERYTHING of you.

A successful career doesn’t want 50% of your energy. It wants your sharpest morning brain, your best ideas, your ability to stay late when the project demands it. It wants you present for the important meetings, available for the last-minute crisis, focused enough to do work that actually matters.

And raising kids? Creating a home that’s more than just a place to crash between commitments? That ALSO wants everything. It wants you present for the meltdowns, available for the sick days, focused enough to see what your family actually needs instead of just managing the chaos.

The math is simple: 100% + 100% = impossible.

And yes I, I know this is easier said than done. On paper, “just choose” sounds so neat. In real life, it’s tangled up in bills, health insurance, student loans, maybe even a sense of identity you’ve carried for years.

But here’s the thing: the difficulty of the choice doesn’t erase the reality of it. The math still doesn’t work. Both things still demand everything. Pretending you can stretch yourself to cover 200% doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you exhausted.

So yes, it’s hard. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to choose.

So Now What?

Here’s the part that feels radical: You get to choose.

Not in a sad, “I guess I’ll give up” kind of way. But in a freeing, “I don’t have to do it all” kind of way.

You can choose home without shame. You can say no to the climb and yes to the kids. You can trade promotions for peace and a corner office for a kitchen table full of homework and spaghetti.

And there is another path where you were successful and praised and made money. And that’s fine. But you can’t walk two paths. Choosing one is not failure.

The Payoff

When you stop trying to live two full lives at once, something shifts.

First, the tension lifts. Your days aren’t perfect, but they’re whole. You wake up knowing where your energy is going.

Then comes dignity. The dignity of saying, “This is my work, and it matters.” Not scrambling to prove yourself in two worlds, but standing firmly in one.

And finally—you get back your joy. Not the fleeting rush of a finished project or a promotion, but something deeper. That matters, you know. A lot.

A Gentle Word

I’m not saying if you work and have children you’re a bad person or doing a bad job at either. I’m saying you’ve been put in a hard situation, and I wish it could be different for you.

And this isn’t a new problem. People have been chasing more and feeling empty for thousands of years.

At the end of the day, all of our striving (career milestones, promotions, packed calendars) leaves us restless. “What has been will be again… there is nothing new under the sun.”

That’s the truth of it: nothing “out there” will finally satisfy. Not another title, not a bigger paycheck, not the applause of people who barely know you. And the pressure to keep chasing it only steals from the life you actually have.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to chase it anymore. You can stop splitting yourself in two. You can choose home, choose peace, choose the slow and ordinary path that the world overlooks. Because nothing you’re missing out there is new or lasting. What you have at home is.

Good luck out there.